We all love our children and want to spend time with them, even when they are grown and have families of their own. Over the years, I have heard many stories from patients, friends and acquaintances explaining why they don’t want to visit their parents. I hope to refer back to this blog in my later years to help me avoid the mistakes others have made. If you want to spend more time with your adult children, but they are always too busy, these the three common reasons why.
You force them to come visit or you lay a guilt trip on them when they don’t visit. Now that your children are grown, they are independent and want to make their own decisions about who they see and when they see them. If you don’t rank high on their “fun” list, you will be pushed down to the obligatory visit once a year. However, this may not be the case if you have an adult child who is still dependent on you financially. They come visit more often to ensure the gravy train will keep flowing.
You offer plenty of unsolicited advice. A recent poll asking “Do you generally like unsolicited advice?” 56% responded no! We respond negatively to unsolicited advice because it is considered an assertion of dominance, distrust or criticism. Children of all ages resist control from their parents. It is the natural order of things.
Acting as if you are infallible and perfect. Some parents treat their children as peers to compete against. They constantly tell tales of their abilities, their accomplishments, their physical fitness at an older age. I guarantee your children do not want to hear how amazing and perfect you are. Children want to love their parents, but not for their accomplishments.